When will you realize that he does not love you?


I wrote this message to a dear friend who has been abandoned by her beloved without a reason then he appeared in her life suddenly exactly as he disappeared. Thus, I would like to share it with other women. It might cure a broken heart.

“How much it hurts me my dear to see you crying badly for a man who didn’t really love you. However, what hurts me more that your innocent heart still wishes for his return one day. Thus, I will write to you as I did not do for anyone before, and I will tell you secrets about men you never heard from your mom. In fact, men themselves would be scared of you to know. Read it, memorize it and remember it whenever you feel longing to him.

It is not your fault that you grew up in a society makes your life revolve in an orbit around the man. Since your childhood you hear them say to your mother (May God give you next time a boy), during your adolescence (Shame on you: you are a girl not a boy), in your youth (Did anyone propose to you?), in your Adulthood (where is your guardian?) and in elderliness (he has the right to remarry, and you have to be patient and satisfied).

It is not your fault that your mother did not see your beauty, and teased you for not having fair skin or slim body as a daughter of someone else and isolated you so neighbours cannot say rumour. She is controlled by the community‘s unforgiving outlook. We spend our lives trying to please it to achieve the impossible acceptance for a female.  What your mother did not mention is that you are very beautiful but your bad luck made it incompatible with ridiculous societal beauty measurements. Your mother forgot to tell you that you are unique and impressive when you be as you want to be and not as what the people want.

It is not a sin to look for love, or to be in love, or to fall in love. Love is not a sin, love is not a scandal … how unjustly we treat love, how deliberately we disgrace it… If you fall in love one day, do not ever feel guilty. Love is the purest crime!

If your beloved left without a farewell, do not ask why? Do not say if I was or if I did or I was the reason. Do not leave your door open or even ajar… wishing his return and have mercy on your tears … Close the door behind and be sure that life will open doors for you… The man who truly loves you will not leave you, will not suddenly disappear, throwing your feelings to the wind … The Sun will rise, moon will wane, winter and summer will rotate…  The universe will not stop because of his departure.  Then why do you stop your life waiting for him?  And wasting your most beautiful times looking for news of him?

The man who truly loves you will not make up thousand excuses (why you cannot be together) … Do not believe a man says to you (destiny) or (I cannot)… He is a liar my dear… more of a lair than the mirage of our desert … If a man really loves you, he will fight the world to reach you… When will you realize that he never loved you? He is now looking for a way out to hide his failure of being a real man at a time when there are few real men.

The top and bottom of it, my dear, promise me to get rid of your sadness and read “Ahlam Mostghanami’s” book, “Forgetting you” which taught me what my straying experiences did not. I will reveal to you some serious advice for Ahlam who revealed the secrets of men: “Do not chase a faraway star. The sky has other stars.  Maybe your next lucky strike is the moon. Thus, love him as no woman did and forget him as men do”.

My great love,

Manal

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الكاتب: Manal M. al Sharif منال مسعود الشريف

خلقنا الله أحراراً ومتساوين.. ليس من حق أحد سلبك هذا الحق.. إلا إذا رضيت أنت بذلك God created us free and equal. No one can take that away unless you allow it.

3 thoughts on “When will you realize that he does not love you?”

  1. That’s a lot of man bashing manal. You also gave bad relationship advise. I mean you don’t even know and understand the emotions and the psyche of a man for you to say that there are a few men left……
    In regards of this woman feeling insecure about her skin color and weight, then she has to reeducate herself, and she has to elimanate mass media and magazines that says beautly only looks a certain way.

    Manal you also said something crazy like do not ask why your beloved went away. Manal, don’t you know that love is conditional for every human being on the face of this earth. Why should a human being continue to stay with a person if that person continue to hurt them or do things that displeases them. Manal, your talking crazy and it seems like your thought proccess is evil.

    Manal where is your Rahma (mercy). You sound like a liberal extremist. Your unforgiving. Maybe this man has a good excuse for leaving. Everything deserve an investiagion. Manal, you also said that this man never really loved her. Manal how can you say that? How do you know what’s in his heart?

    Manal you amaze me. The religious people in saudi arabia had more mercy on you then you are having on this man. I think I read somewhere that one Shakyah was trying to defend you and protect you.

    My adivise to the sister is that she should seek marriage consuling from a person thats strong in his knowledge in ISLAM. And that the sister should give her pain to ALLAH and complain to ALLAH. And ask ALLAH to correct her situation.

  2. Manal Al-Sharif is a direct friend of her friend, and in touch with the real situation. You Mr. Jihad are merely a reader of Manal’s blog. Who has more right to evaluate the issue?. Show some respect please. .She is for sure more involved and knows FAR MORE than anything you or any stranger knows about this exact
    situation. .

  3. Mr. Jihad, a real man who loves a woman does not just walk away from his beloved without a word, leaving her with a pillow of tears and a blanket of confusion. A real man, if he has to break up with a woman, at least does her the dignity of telling her why he is leaving whether he loves her or not. What’s more, does the man who suddenly walks out sound like good marriage material to you? He doesn’t to me. Even if he came back, he has shown that she cannot rely on him to stay. So what good, pray tell, would marriage counsel do.This is not man-hating, this is merely pointing out that this man’s actions were selfish and immature, and that the woman in question deserves better. Coddling sin and cowardice does not encourage virtue.

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